


Edge of the World

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [75]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asgardian Tony Stark, Feels, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Misunderstanding, Pain, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Protective Loki (Marvel), Romantic Fluff, Rumors, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26405482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Loki considers Anthony his best friend in all the Nine, and he will do anything for him. So when he learns that someone ruthlessly broke Anthony’s heart, Loki immediately comes to his defence.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [75]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 40
Kudos: 522





	Edge of the World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [STARSdidathing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/gifts).



> The idea for this one was prompted by **STARSdidathing** , thank you! (and I hope your birthday is continuing to be awesome ❤︎)  
>   
>  **Prompt** — _“You make me feel alive.”_

Anthony Howardson was Loki’s best friend, and Loki didn’t care what everyone else said about it. Oh, he knew the rumours, he knew the people whispered that they only fit together so well because they were both empty and cold inside. The mercurial prince and the heartless philanderer, the pair that stuck together only because no one else would accept them.

Loki didn’t care, not because their words didn’t matter– but because he knew they were not true, he knew it for a fact that Anthony was not heartless. Anthony was loving and affectionate with those he trusted, and he cared more strongly than anyone else in the Nornsforsaken golden realm. Loki saw it in the care that Anthony put into all of his work, in the delighted glint in his eyes when he and Loki played a trick, in the smile that lit his face when he had managed to cheer Loki up after a particularly bad day.

The truth was that Anthony had more heart than anyone Loki knew, but… Despite his care the for man, Loki _could_ recognise why the people said what they did.

Anthony was… he enjoyed sex, and he did not seem to care much about those who offered it to him. Oh, he wasn’t selfish with his partners, and he was never cruel– in fact, those who lay with him would always report that they enjoyed themselves, or so the rumours said. But Anthony had something of a reputation. He took who he pleased and then he left, and he never, ever lay with the same person twice.

Well, at least… not any more.

Loki always had to quash down old feelings when he listened to the rumour mill, pushing away the memory of how it had felt when Anthony’s body was his, when he was the only one who knew the planes of Anthony’s chest and the feel of his skin pressed close against his own.

But those days were done, and that was fine– they had been young then, and inexperienced. Neither of them had truly known that they’d wanted out of life, and now that they were older, they were more capable of recognising what they needed.

But sometimes, in the dead of night, Loki missed it.

There were the rare occasions when he would wake with an arm stretched out across the bed, as if he had been reaching for something that was not there in his slumber.

It had been centuries since he had held Anthony in that way, and it wasn’t that he wished to return to how they used to be. Loki loved how they were now– he adored that he was the only person Anthony returned to, the only one with whom he truly spoke. Even though he might have moments of missing their physical relationship, he really didn’t need anything more than what they had. He was possessive over his friendship, and shared every moment with Anthony that he could– and it was just like it had always been.

Loki loved his best friend more than should be possible, and every time he heard someone mutterer about Anthony under their breath, or eye him disapprovingly, he had to suppress the desire to throttle them, right there in the street—

Or the market—

Or in the eating hall they were visiting, where the two Aesir on the table behind were having a terribly unsubtle conversation.

“They say he doesn’t have a heart,” one whispered.

“I heard that he did once, but that it was broken by someone,” the other replied. “If it’s broken, he can’t use it anymore, can he?”

Loki’s teeth snapped together in anger, but he probably would not have reacted, had he not seen the way that Anthony flinched, the way that Anthony’s face spasmed with a brief flash of agony.

Clearly, it wasn’t just some comment to be shrugged off– that had actually hurt, and the thought had Loki turning in his seat and glaring forcibly at the two Aesir who had _dared_.

They flinched back, stumbled out of their chairs, fumbled to throw some coins on the table and were on their way out in moments. Loki’s gaze followed them, his seiðr writhing and itching to be let free.

“Loki,” Anthony said, reaching over the table to lay a calming hand on Loki’s forearm. “It’s fine.”

It wasn’t, but Loki knew that Anthony had been putting up with this sort of thing for far too long, and no matter how brave of a front he put on, it had to be starting to wear on him. Loki knew that they needed to leave, that they just needed to get away from the judgement and the sharp words that cut deeper than they should have.

So Loki took Anthony’s hand and pulled him away from the city, away from the people. They went all the way to the edge of the world, their feet dangling over the gunwale of their flying boat while the waters below crashed down into nothing. They sat in silence for the most part, their arms just barely brushing, enough to ground them without losing the reckless sensation of being so close to a fall.

And as they sat, as Anthony began to relax, Loki could not get a single, terrible thought out of his head. It tugged at his very being, because if someone truly had hurt Anthony so, then Loki wanted to know–so that even if he couldn’t put it right, or so that he could enact a punishment that would ensure the person would forever regret what they had done.

“Anthony,” he started, his voice hesitant. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

It could have been an innocent question, but if Loki knew Anthony well, then Anthony knew him just the same. Yet, despite the way sadness that had already entered his gaze, he answered just as he always had.

“You can always ask me anything, Loki. You know that I would never hide anything from you.”

Still, Loki was unsure. But Anthony’s pain was eating away at him, at them both, and Loki could no longer stand it. Not if there was a chance that he could do something to help make it better, to help bring a smile back to Anthony’s lips.

So, drawing in a deep, fortifying breath, he _asked._

“Is it true, what they say about your heart? Did someone break it?”

Anthony did smile at that, but it was broken and wounded, the kind of smile someone gave when they were trying to hide their pain.

“Well, you know,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders, his gaze returning back to the water below. “Once you’ve gone through heartbreak once, why risk again? When your shattered heart still beats for the one who rejected you… there’s no sense in looking for another. Yeah, it’s broken, and it’s unavailable, and no one deserves someone as damaged as me.”

The words cut Loki deep, tearing in his chest and slicing straight through every comforting thing that he could ever have thought to say.

Because yes, he could tell Anthony that he wasn’t damaged, but there was enough hurt there to make _damaged_ actually true. The idea of telling Anthony that he might find someone else to repair the wounds to his shattered heart was dismissed out of hand, because Loki understood that some hurts were far too much to be fixed in such a way, and knew that such a suggestion would only make the situation worse. He even could have tried to say that Anthony was perfect just the way he was, that damaged parts did not make him any less beautiful to those who saw the true Anthony underneath– but Anthony would neither believe nor accept it, and the words would likely only distance them.

Simply put, Loki knew that nothing he could say would be able to make it any better.

So really, there was only one question left to ask.

“Who hurt you?” Loki asked, though he wasn’t sure why. Was it because he wished to understand better, or was it because he wanted to find that person and make them hurt in return? It could have been either, it could have been a mix of both, it could have been something else entirely– but the only thing he knew with any level of certainty was that it wasn’t just simple curiosity.

But Anthony did not give a name– though he didn’t try to avoid answering, either. He simply sighed, and pulled one leg up to rest sideways over the gunwale so he could face Loki properly.

“I’ve only ever loved the one person, Lokes,” Anthony said, his eyes turning sad. “I’ve loved them for as long as I can remember, and I don’t think that I’ll ever stop. I thought, once, that maybe we could have something more, but I was brought back down to reality in one fell swoop– and that’s okay.”

From the way that Anthony’s voice was hitching, Loki knew that it truly _wasn’t_ – and yet, he could also see that ‘okay’ was something that Anthony _believed_. It must have taken years and a lot of careful thinking for Anthony to reach that point, to be able to not only live with the loss of his love, but to consider that pain to be _okay_ enough to the point that it was barely visible.

Loki knew Anthony best, and even he would probably not have realised the truth if not for the comments they had overheard.

And oh, but that made Loki wonder just _how long_ Anthony had been dealing with this– and as he thought back to when Anthony’s behaviour had become what it now was, he realised that the answer was far worse than he could have imagined.

His best friend had been suffering for centuries, and Loki… had hardly noticed.

The anguish of that must have shown on his face, for Anthony noticed Loki’s concern, and reached out to touch Loki’s shoulder– just the smallest brush of fingers, his hand falling back away almost immediately.

“It hurts, but that’s _okay_ ,” Anthony continued, speaking in earnest this time, staring at Loki with an awful mix of pain and broken hope– and somehow, the hope almost made it worse. “I’d much rather take a perfect friendship than nothing at all.”

And Loki was suddenly frozen, because—

Well. Anthony only really had the one friend– and there was certainly only the one friend that he might have ever had a relationship with that could have been mistaken for something more.

 _No_ , Loki thought. _It can’t be_.

But… the more Loki thought on it, the more the pieces began to slide into place– and the more his heart began to ache.

He really should have taken notice, because Loki and Anthony had been inseparable from day one. They did not even remember how they had met– they simply _were_ , and they had always known that they would be a pair for the rest of their lives. They were closer than friends, and they shared everything with one another. It was the most natural thing to fall together in other ways as they grew older– they kissed, they experimented, they _enjoyed_ themselves because they were as close as it was possible to be.

And yes, Loki adored Anthony, of course he did.

But what they’d had was merely casual.

And when Loki was invited to visit Alfheim to study under the greatest mages in the Nine, he had accepted immediately, excited at the prospect of honing his skills. Oh, it had hurt that Anthony would not be going with him, that it would be ten years before they could see each other again. But it was an opportunity that he could not afford to miss, and Anthony had promised that he’d understood.

On Loki’s last night, they were more gentle than usual, more tender. They curled together on Loki’s bed for far longer after than they ever had before, fingers moving over skin in strokes that lingered, mapping everything they touched.

“I suppose we shall find other lovers while I am away,” Loki had whispered, not sure how he felt about that fact, but– well, it was inevitable, wasn’t it?

Anthony’s trailing fingers had paused, his eyes flashing to Loki’s, pained from the reminder of Loki’s close departure. “I suppose we shall,” he echoed, his voice a little hoarse from their activities.

And, perhaps, deep down, Loki had done it to protect himself– because it _was_ inevitable, but it would hurt him less if he _knew_ that they had agreed upon it, rather than Anthony making the decision to take another lover without having already ended things with Loki.

Honestly, Loki had expected things to go back to how they had been when he returned to Asgard– after all, he and Anthony exchanged letters over his time away, and the affection in their words remained as strong as it always had. And when Loki arrived home after ten, long years, it was Anthony he was most eager to see.

And of course, the moment Loki had stepped onto the rainbow bridge– there Anthony was, ready to meet him with a smile and hug when even Loki’s own brother merely waited at the palace.

But there were no kisses, none of the soft touches that Loki had been yearning for. And in the following days, Loki noticed the glances and the mutterings, and he learned that Anthony had gained a reputation as a philanderer, sharing the bed of many Aesir but never more than once.

Anthony had moved on, of course– just as Loki had _expected_ him to. Loki himself had… well, he’d _tried_ , because of course he still felt desire. But when he lay with another person it never felt quite as _right_ as it had with Anthony.

Loki told himself that was just due to their friendship, and that he would only need to find a person who matched him as well as Anthony had to feel that way again.

He told himself that they were _fine_ – and they had been, in the centuries since. They had remained the closest of friends, they just… never rekindled their physical relationship. Loki assumed that Anthony had merely found what he liked, had learned that he enjoyed the variety, rather than sleeping with just one person. (And maybe that hurt a little, knowing that he wasn’t enough– but if that was what made Anthony happy, then Loki would of course support it, because Anthony was his friend.)

Loki had told himself a lot of things, but now… he realised the truth. The pain in Anthony’s eyes that last night took on a new meaning– it had not been only due to sadness over Loki leaving, but due to a rejection of his own feelings.

Because they had just fallen into being together without really talking about it Anthony had thought that what they had was worth more than what Loki had assumed.

“I’m so sorry,” Loki whispered, his hands shaking against the edge of the boat, his voice trembling. “I’m so…”

“Hey, no,” Anthony said, his smile so soft that it widened all the cracks Loki was beginning to feel. “This isn’t your fault—”

“But it _is_ ,” Loki said, his voice breaking. “It was _me,_ I’m the one who… I broke your heart.”

Anthony drew in a sharp breath, but the pain in his expression was smoothed away before Loki had the chance to even properly see it.

“It’s still not your fault,” Anthony said. “You can’t change the way you feel, no more than I can. And… I already told you, Loki, it’s okay.”

“It’s _not_ ,” Loki said. “Anthony, it’s _not_ —”

“Shh,” Anthony said, reaching out falteringly, and pausing just shy of resting his hand on Loki’s arm, as if he were afraid that his touch would not be welcome. “Loki, please, I don’t want this to make a difference. I don’t want you to think that you owe me something, and I don’t want you to blame yourself for my pain. You have done nothing wrong, okay? And I am fine, I can cope, I promise.”

“How?” Loki asked, almost begging. The irony of Anthony being the one to offer comfort was not lost on him– it only made the ache in his chest grow hotter, burning him from the inside out. “How could you heal from—”

“I never healed,” Anthony corrected, his eyes wistful but not sad as he gazed out over the edge of the world. “But I made a promise to myself. I knew that I could never have you as a lover again, because it would never be enough– because when you inevitably found someone to _marry_ , it would hurt far too much to let you go. So I promised myself that I would only ever have you as a friend, because… you’re too important for me to lose, and it’s too painful to hold you close. But I prefer to focus on the good moments, Loki,” Anthony finished, glancing back to Loki and lifting his shoulders in a shrug that was far too nonchalant to be real. “Rather than not have you at all.”

Loki’s whole body shook, and the sound that pulled from his throat could only be called a whine. But as he reached out, Anthony leaned back slightly, his hands spread palm-up before him, as if he were completely bearing himself, his mask falling away.

“Please, Loki,” Anthony said, a bit of desperation finally leaking through what Loki was coming to realise was a perfectly sculpted façade. “Please, don’t let this change anything between us. Stay at least, allow me _this_.”

The pain, the desperation bordering on _pleading_ stole Loki’s words. Because… Loki might have broken Anthony’s heart when he’d left, but at least the rest of him had remained intact, because Anthony had felt that he still had something. But now he was afraid that Loki would end things– and afraid that would leave him shattered entirely.

Loki felt like he was drowning under the cascade that was flowing beneath their dangling feet, lost amongst all of the emotion that he didn’t realise Anthony harboured– and the emotion that was scratching at the walls he had long since raised inside himself.

Loki ached, he _yearned_ for Anthony– he had for centuries, but he had always tried to push it away, had always convinced himself that they were nothing more than friends. But despite his best efforts to hide them, the feelings were still _there_.

Maybe… maybe it was more than he had ever thought it was– and maybe he _did_ want things to change, just not in the way that Anthony feared he would.

Because when Loki looked at Anthony… well, there had always only been the one word to describe the way he felt– and there was only the one thing left to say.

“I’m sorry,” Loki said, shifting enough on the gunwale to comfortably draw Anthony close with a tentative arm around his shoulders. “I should never have pushed you away.”

“Loki?” Anthony asked hesitantly, tilting up his head to catch Loki’s eye.

It was the easiest thing then, to lean down and press their lips together for their first kiss in centuries.

Anthony whimpered at the touch and pressed against Loki as close as he could, not hesitating in the slightest, not taking a single moment to adjust. He returned the kiss with a desperate intensity that made Loki groan, that curled Loki’s toes and had him pulling Anthony closer still.

Their lips lingered together even as they paused to breathe, neither willing to pull away for even a moment, too caught up in the fierce desire for each other mixed with insecurity and doubt.

And _oh_ , but Loki hadn’t realised just _how much_ he had missed this– this closeness with the person he cared most for in all the Nine, not until he was wrapped up in it once again. He knew that he could never give Anthony up a second time.

This time was different than the first, because before, Loki had never wanted to examine how he felt about Anthony. He’d never thought that they _were_ serious, because their friendship had been so perfect, he hadn’t even considered that there could be something better—

Something that he had wanted all along.

“Anthony,” he sighed, his eyes remaining closed as he kept their heads pressed together, his arms still curled around Anthony possessively.

“I know, Loki,” Anthony replied, his fingers stroking Loki’s cheek and pressing tight against his waist.

“If I had known sooner… maybe—”

“It’s okay, I know that—”

“I have always loved you Anthony, just—”

“Not in the way that I love you,” Anthony finished. He sighed and opened his eyes, leaning back slightly once again with a reluctant and watery smile. “I understand, I always have. And Loki, thank you for gifting me this, one more time.”

Then Anthony was beginning to shift away, and Loki realised that Anthony only thought Loki was humouring him– and that was so far from the truth that it hurt. But Anthony was not listening, not taking in what Loki was trying to tell him.

So Loki argued his case in the only way that he thought might work, gripping Anthony tightly and pulling him back in closer. Once again, Anthony didn’t fight it, falling into Loki’s embrace with the fervour of a drowning man searching for air, curling into Loki like he was sure it would be his last chance. But when Loki broke the kiss, he held on tightly, refusing to let Anthony move away an inch.

“I love you,” he said, then he leaned in to kiss Anthony again– and again. “ _I love you_.” Every word was punctuated with the press of lips, the slide of skin, the stroke of fingers over every part of Anthony’s body that he could reach. Then, when he was _sure_ that he would not be interrupted, he held Anthony’s gaze and laid bare his heart. “Anthony, I love you as the moon loves the sun, as the ocean loves destruction, and as a bird loves to fly. I love you with more intensity than I thought it possible to feel, and while I know that it has taken me longer than it should have to recognise, it is the truest thing that I have ever known.”

Anthony was gasping into him, his hands shaking, his breath uneven. And Loki just held him, keeping him together, wanting nothing more than for Anthony to _understand_.

“I’m sorry that it took me so long,” Loki said. “I’m so sorry. I have always thought that you did not want me, and so I pushed everything away so that it wouldn’t hurt. But I _do_ love you, and I want you by my side always, in every way, because you make me feel _alive_. I know that I have hurt you, and I am not above begging you to allow me a second chance– because… you’re the only one that I have ever loved, as well.”

“Loki,” Anthony said, his voice thick and his eyes so very, very bright. “I would give you all the chances in the Nine.”

When their lips came together once again, the kiss ached with relief and the _knowledge_ of reciprocation– and that made it sweeter than any that they had shared before.

“I love you, Loki,” Anthony said, grinning along with the words, his expression finally open and honest.

“I know,” Loki said, matching Anthony’s smile. “And I love you.”

As Anthony echoed Loki’s words once again, the pure _delight_ overpowering any possible disbelief, he looked happier than Loki thought he had seen him in years.

It had taken them a while, but they’d both finally come to open their vulnerable hearts– and sitting there at the edge of the world, Loki knew that they were headed for a beautiful new beginning.


End file.
